such a flurry of change everywhere right now. everyone seems to be moving or preparing to, or settling in. eras are ending, new ones are beginning. people are finishing and starting and doing new things and shifting around in the balance, cutting old alliances, tying up loose ends, building new relationships. i guess august has always been the month when this shit all happens at once, for good or ill.
Everyone's posts have been depressing...They're all acknowledging an end to this summer. But I'm not ready.
take me a back a year to this very minute. friendly fire drives me to the airport in columbus so i can catch an early morning flight back to baltimore, one day before they get there, to be at my then-partner's grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary. i am in a yellow/brown/black plaid babydoll dress, running on half an hour's sleep.
when he picks me up, his ex-girlfriend's dog is in the back of his car.
august 10th, 2008, 10:20am. that was the minute summer turned last year.
you could even say it was at 5:45am, as i got in the van in columbus to come home.
with summer's official end a few weeks away, reality sets in. we all have to move on, physically, from our summer escapades. there's an emotional breech, when we became attached to whatever, whomever we identified as our company for these few months, when the days stretch long into the night.
and tomorrow is my final summer's day in dc. but it already turned. i cut and tied, but didn't feel the snapping of heartstrings until saturday night, when i came home and cried, when i realized he realized we were on the same unfortunate page. and my heart sunk a little further last night, and then this morning, when i had no new voicemail. it's the first time he didn't call. i've known, and he's known, and we're both backing away, silently acknowledging the predisposed futility of our relationship.
august 10th, 2009, 6:53am.
so i'm only a little alone again. i help friends move, make cupcakes, and play two-hour games of bananagrams. i can make my life as romantic as i want it to be, it doesn't mean love, or like, have to be involved.
i'm ready for the next flight, then.
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